【雅思作文批改推荐，雅思小作文7大作文6.5总分】【雅思作文批改】6.5分：注意小词的使用
今天的作文题目是 概述欧洲家庭支出的特点并比较，这位同学条理清晰、句式灵活，但注意小词的使用，最终得6.5分，相当不错 。（ps：最近很多小伙伴看了别人的文章大受启发，对自己的思路扩展也很有帮助，小编真的很开心能帮到大家，你们写完也可以发过来给老师改，这样才知道自己的毛病在哪里，及时改错才能进步哦~）
作文题目：
作文内容：
There is a sheet demonstrating the percentage of household income spending on diversified categories every month in France,Germany,the UK,Turkey and Spain.
Housing is the largest expenditure item for France,Germany and the UK with it taking up 31%,33% and 37% respectively.In addition,clothing shares the smallest proportion for the three countries.It only costs 7% of France s[A1] household income and in Germany,the figure for clothing is almost half of that of housing.However,clothing accounts for 11% in the UK which is identical to the proportion of entertainment.
wheras,the expenditure patterns in Turkey and Spain are different.[A2] They spend the majority of their income on food and drink which represents 36%(in Turkey) and 31%(in Spain).Their percentages of costs on housing are similar withto an average of 19%.As for Turkey,entertainment occupies 10% which ranks the last,while in Spain the least proportion shows in clothing with only[A3] 8%.
To conclude,for all the European countries listed,the vast majority of their family income is spent on basic needs like[A4] food and drink and housing leaving only a small percentage spending on clothing and entertainment.
[A1] 不符合语言习惯改成household income in France
[A2]wher people,如果用they得得指代前面出现过人
[A3]有了only可以加强语气
[A4]书面语用such as 不用like
总体点评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
注意小词的使用方法，这点要多多留心 。比如搭配啊，代词啊，书面用语啊之类的，主要在于平时的细心积累 。还有一点就是代词的使用要注意句与句之间的逻辑，不能前面说的是 土耳其，用代词表示 土耳其人，这是不对的，忘今后多注意这些细节 。
附批改原图：
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